Monday, April 10, 2017

Life now. Niena babbles.

Assalamualaikum

Apparently, it's been a long time since I last blogged. Reason? Because I was adjusting my life, everything is so overwhelming and I have no good points to write for the readers. 

Teeeettttt..!!

Hahaha trust me, those are not the reasons!! The actual reason is because my house here in Shah Alam has a very very very super very weak internet connection. Guess this would be a great usrah point haha since no one's gonna be distracted by the internet. Lol. 

Anyway, looking at my last post, it's worth mentioning that my life has now changed a lil bit. In a sense that I am now employed with Allah's mercy and greatness. And what makes me should count my blessings more is that I am now working at a very nice place, a place that suits my heart, Idrissi International School. For me, it's not like going to school, but it's more like going to a home full of kids. It's hard to explain but the building can already tell you. 

The point I'm back on my keyboard today is just to reflect another thing. 

I have this feeling. This feeling of moving to 25. It is just a number but to me, it is not just a number. It really makes a difference that we're finishing almost half of our life.  25 is another process of growing up. It's an adulting process. Just as hard as a preschooler to shift to primary (talking from my own experience dealing with Year 1 kids. Allah knows how arduous it is), as rebellious as a primary to secondary phase of transition. 

You have this one thing called EGO. You want to be who you want to be but you know the path is not as straight and as uninterrupted as you wish it to be. You also start to worry way too much on that thing called money. And also, you start to get headache thinking of your yet-to-be-seen life partner. Just combine everything in one, you'll have that emotional, physical, mental and spiritual struggle. 

At this point in life, you become as fragile as a glass, as frail as a moth. You need to really take a deep breath on every step you take. It's a very challenging phase of life of whether only you turn right or left. You cannot be on that junction forever. But whatever path you take, it's a matter of time and you will make it as long as you have faith in The Almighty. 

I like this song. It kinda relate me with whatever I'm babbling here. 

"So let me go. Give me dashes on the road. Maybe I'm walking to a place I don't know...."

*tugas anda adalah untuk mencari tajuk lagi dan nama penyanyi lagu ni 😏*

Sekian. Thanks to the loyal readers *kalau ada kihkih*

Sunday, January 8, 2017

I'm so sick of it

Why is it every time?
I swear every single time.

Is it because of me?
If it's from her that it's okay.
If it's from me, there's always an issue.

I'm so sad.
Seriously luluh.

Ni ke orang cakap tribulasi?
Aku tak cukup kuat.
Rasa taknak buat dah.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Rezeki

Kalau dah nama bukan rezeki,
kau dah beli,
dah bayar,
dah masuk dalam mulut,
tetiba ada sekor kucing oren lalu,
kau tak nampak,
kau tersepak,
tersadung,
tercampak donat panas kau tu,
sebab memang tertulis,
bukan rezeki kau.

Rezeki rahsia Allah,
putaran hidup kita hari-hari.

Lain dengan jodoh.
bukan senario hari-hari.
bila once kau dah akad tu,
ha insyaAllah dialah jodoh kau.
ni aku belum cerita bab cerai-berai.
sebab cerita tu tak enak.

Sama jugak rezeki kerjaya,
dah pergi interview,
dah berjalan lancar,
kau nampak jalannya bercahaya,
kau dah dapat kata putus dari pengetua kata dia nak jumpa kau untuk stage kedua dengan senior principal,
kau tunggu panggilan,
kemudian kau dapat panggilan,
dia cakap dia akan call next week pulak,
kau tunggu lagi,
kesudahannya kau dapat email cakap kau tak berjaya untuk interview seterusnya,
kau terpinga,
eh kenapa pengetua tu bagi kau harapan cenggitu,
lepas tu kau ingat,
yelah pengetua tu bukan Tuhan,
walau dia izinkan,
tapi Tuhan tak izinkan,
hati kau diuji lagi,
diuji dengan keyakinan kau terhadap Ar-Razaq,
Al-Wahab.

Sebab Dia tahu ada benda lain lebih baik untuk kau.
Jadi Niena, teruskan berusaha,
Tanam dalam hati kau paling dalam,
Semua HANYA akan berlaku dengan IZIN-NYA,
bukan semestinya kemahuan kau.
Kau kena hadam.

Semoga pembuka 2017 memberikan yang terbaik untuk diri aku.
Tahun ni aku belum pasang azam.
Sebab aku terlalu depressed semenjak dua menjak ni.
Aku terbuai dengan tafsiran 'berjaya' dunia.
Aku lupa bukak kamus akhirat.

Doakan aku istiqamah.

Monday, December 26, 2016

I'm 24.

Yes, I am 24 today.
26th December.
It's been 24 years Allah has lent me his life.

Dunno how I should feel right know.
But I know exactly how I feel right now.
In-denial.

I'm growing up very fast and not too soon growing old.

Whatever it is, that's life and sooner or later will end.
With all that I have today, I should be grateful and thankful to Allah.
Allah Allah.
Kecilnya dan kerdilnya diri ini bila berbicara tentangMu.

I thank everyone who never forgets to wish my birthday.
It's been a number of years already and you still wish me, that has already made me feel special and appreciated.
Thanks friends.

May this year bring me to a better version of myself.
May this year bring me to a lot of self-improvements,
May I be a better person to everyone around me.


Friday, December 23, 2016

Personality

Until whatever age we are at,
The question of 'who am I' can never be solidly answered.

I give you an analogy.
We thought we are A and perceived ourself to  be A.
But our family sees us as B.
Friends see us C.
People see us D.
Employer see us E.

Sometimes, we establish ourself as F.
Our instagram followers see us G.
Not to mention our haters,
Our colleagues,
You name it.

Even if we close our eyes before we sleep, with head sinking in the pillow,
The questions can never be answered.
It's a journey with no one single definite route.
Who's view is the most valid?

Sometimes, history haunts us too much
That we're too afraid the image might be copied
You'd rather hide your whole self inside a bkanket
And hope the time to freeze
So that you will not face something you're fear of.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Comfort zone

On one side I'm an independent woman (note that I refer myself a woman, I have to be one anyway.)
But on the other side I'm so dependent.
Today, I tried to challlenge myself.
Tried to lepak alone in Oldtown, imaginning myself reading a book or scrolling down my mobile phone screen over sips of hazelnut white coffee. Well, not sips though since I sucked my coffee with a straw. I never ordered hot coffee. Yes I love coffee but my version of coffee is always iced.
I went off track again.
My plan was to wait for my sister until she finished her work, soo that would be like around 3-4 hours of me-time in Oldtown.
But ended up, I started to get overly conscious and uncomfortable and drove back.
Yes I drove back.
To some people, spending time alone is a valuable reward to oneself, but for people like me, or at least me, it's a torture.
So yeah, I failed again.
Sigh.

I ususally don't write long in a sentence.
I like to make them look nice and proportianate.
But I don't know why I can't seem to make it for this post.
Oh hey! That just means I have at least gone out of my comfort zone.
*smirk*

Monday, December 19, 2016

Never ending battle

It's really suffocating battling with our ownself.
You have to follow your brain but your heart's thumping wanting the other thing.
And you have to know what's nafsu and what's intuition.
And of course to weigh them all with your sane rationality.

Nobody knows what someone is actually going tnrough.
Bestfriends, best bestfriends, or even special friends, they might know some of the picture but you keep some pieces to your own little heart.
Outside, people will bash you, will talk bad about you and possibly to form a bandwagon against you.
If only they know the truth.
You never wish to be in that situation.
The river just flows and you have no force to stop.

Good and bad becomes no difference at that point.
You just feel like being invisible that nobody sees or even remembers you anymore.
I just want a good ending.
Again, it's Allah's secret what 'good' is.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Dinding Penghadang

Setiap hari kita berjumpa orang.
Kalau zaman sekarang, tak jumpa orang pun tetap akan jumpa.
Maksud aku di dunia maya.
Betapa banyak 'stragers' yang kita jumpa setiap hari.
Apa yang menyebabkan dia dan kita strangers?
Kerana antara kita dan dia tiada urusan.
Jadi tiada keperluan untuk dia dan kita berbicara justeru menjadi paling koman acquiatance. 
Jadi maknanya, manusia ni selfish lah? Sebab hanya akan berbicara atas dasar keperluan?
Tanpa bicara, dinding penghadang itu tak akan berjaya dirobohkan selamanya.
Hakikatnya ya.

Kalau kita lihat dari jauh, macam-macam kita boleh complain. Perempuan tu muka dia garang, hidung dia senget, mata dia sepet, ketiak dia busuk dan macam-macam lagi. Tapi cuba bayangkan, dia guru kepada anak kita di tadika. Tidakkah kita sedut benefit-benefit dari dia?
Hakikatnya ya.
Ish manusia ni, sudahlah selfish, parasite pulak tu.

Entah-entah strangers tu lah yang separti politik dengan kau. Nasib ada dia. Kalau tak, kurang satu undi parti pilihan kau.
Entah-entah strangers tu jugak lah yang sama pilihan artis gegar vaganza dengan kau. Kalau tak, belum tentu artis pilihan kau dapat ke final.
Entah-entah strangers  tu lah jugak pengguna Celcom macam kau. Kalau tak, belum tentu coverage Celcom seluas sekarang.
Entah-entah strangers tu lah peminat fanatik Zawara macam kau. Nasib ada dia. Kalau tak, belum tentu Zawara kebabom macam sekarang.

Dan pelbagai 'entah-entah' lagi.

Hakikatnya, kita tak akan pernah tahu apa fungsi kita pada strangers, dan apa fungsi strangers pada kita. Yang kita tahu, kita saling berfungsi. Jangan sampai gagal berfungsi.

Monday, November 21, 2016

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

As I grow older, I realize this 'thing' becomes less in number but richer in quality.
If that makes sense.
All I'm trying to say is..
I'm not a good friend.
Knowing that fact, sometimes I feel so undeserved to receive such good friends.
They are just Godsend.
How to put it in words. Urgh I am never good in expressing my feelings with words.
So to those good friends of mine.
Thanks for always keeping me in your mind and heart.
I really love you(s).
I really do.
Your sincerity is so genuine.
And that what keep us strong.

Aiyak. Geli. Tapi aku tengah momen terharu sekarang. So there you go.