Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Shit happens

My mind right now is SEMAK.
People say it's a phase.

I can't wait to get through this phase.
I don't want to meet a wrong person, fall for the wrong person, for all the wrong reasons.
I also don't wanna force myself liking the person who I can't. Let's not talk about love just yet when 'like' is already an issue. You know what I mean?

I do like someone who I don't think is legit for me to fall for.
If he's not meant for me, please God help me to get rid of these distracting feelings.
I'm just so tired of all these.
I hope things will be easy for us three.
I love my sisters as much as I love myself. They deserve the best.

Saddest thing in life is when someone is trying hard to make you fall head over heels to them without having the intention to marry you.
You're just a shit.


Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Bedah Lagu #1 - Layar Keinsafan by Mestica

Assalamualaikum everyone.

So Ramadhan is coming very shortly. I hope I am well equipped to jump into this holy Ramadhan again. Indeed, it feels so fast. Anyways, for the first series of #Bedah Lagu, I'd like to start with a nasheed song by Mestica, Layar Keinsafan since Ramadhan is just around the corner. This has been my favourite song ever since I first heard it.

So without further ado let's get into it. I'm gonna do it in Malay anyway.

Sepi benar senja ini
Bayunya semilir, menganak ombak kecil
Jalur ufuk pula mengemas terang
Kapal dan layar terkapar

Mengapa nantikan senja
Barukan terdetik, pulang ke pengkalan
Gusar malam menghampiri
Ku tewas di lautan

Tuhan layarkanku ke arah cintaMu
Tuntuniku menggapai redhaMu
Rimbunan kasihMu ku berteduh
KepadaMu ya Tuhan
Berikan secebis keinsafan
Bekalan sepanjang perjalanan
Mencari ketenangan

c/o
Biar Kau menjadi saksi
Tulus tangisku kala dini hari
Kesempatan yang hanya sebentar
Moga keikhlasanku terlakar
Berikanlah ku hidayah
Agar dikuatkan iman yang lemah
Moga diberkati hidup ini
Menuju bahagia yang kekal abadi

PadaMu Tuhan
Kan kuserahkan cinta kepadaMu

Tuhan layarkanku ke arah cintaMu
Tuntuniku menggapai redhaMu
Rimbunan kasihMu ku berteduh
KepadaMu ya Tuhan
Berikan secebis keinsafan
Bekalan sepanjang perjalanan
Mencari ketenangan

c/o
Biar Kau menjadi saksi
Tulus tangisku kala dini hari
Kesempatan yang hanya sebentar
Moga keikhlasanku terlakar
Berikanlah ku hidayah
Agar dikuatkan iman yang lemah
Moga diberkati hidup ini
Menuju bahagia yang kekal abadi

Harapanku moga dikurniakan
Manisnya iman berpanjangan
Moga lautan hilang gelora

________________________________________________________________________________

Ok, overall lagu ni sebenarnya menceritakan mengenai sebuah kehidupan yang sentiasa dipenuhi penyesalan terutamanya bila meniti hari 'senja'. 

Ok I failed. I tried hard to make this whole thing in Malay but I can't. Sorry but I gotta mix these two languages so bear with me. 

On the surface, lagu ni nampak macam cerita tentang waktu senja, kapal yang berlayar etc. The reason behind it is to relate the 'pelayaran' with sebuah kehidupan. Indeed, life is a voyage that will lead us to a destination. And to make it even more interesting, the use of the time which is dusk is to relate with our age that is almost at the end. 

So, the first line says "Sepi benar senja ini..." is giving an idea that as we approach 'late age', it is becoming more and more lonely. We keep losing people that we love for whatever reasons life takes (marriage, death, living apart etc). Imagine an old man sitting at home missing all the people that he loves. So, that's the idea for the first verse. 

Moving on, it starts to question "Mengapa nantikan senja, baru kan terdetik pulang ke pengkalan...". This tells about human nature that we will always turn back when it's too late (too  'senja'). Only when we are old enough, we realized how much we have flawed, how much time we have wasted, basically, all regrets. And we start to think about turning back. 

Next verse "Tuhan, layarkanku ke arah cintamu.." This verse is a cry of a weak servant to His Creator the Almighty. There's a tone of regret and hopefulness in this verse. We know at the end of the day, we are powerless and we need to plead to The One. I also found this line interesting "rimbunan kasihMu ku berteduh". The use of the word 'rimbunan' (shade) is implying that it's something that everyone can benefit, not only us. It also suggests the idea of having a protection. Just like Allah's mercy. We all know how enormous his mercy (rahmat) is to His creatures. So using the word 'shade' is precisely describing how His mercy is: protection and something to be shared selflessly. 

Here comes the chorus. The verse preceding the chorus has already anticipated the idea of begging His mercy and it continues in the chorus. However, here, it becomes more specific telling that you are crying, begging to Allah in the middle of the night when everyone's asleep. No one knows but you, so you wanna be your own witness of how sincere you are crying to Allah to guide you to the right path. You know that you are running out of time (Kesempatan yang hanya sebentar) and that only He can help you through this arduous voyage. You just want your journey to be smooth-sailing so you can reach your destination safely and rest there forever. 

The couplet later is your promise to give all your love to the most rightful one (PadaMu Tuhan, kan kuserahkan cinta kepadaMu). 

The last 3 lines "Harapanku moga dikurniakan, maisnya iman berpanjangan, moga lautan hilang gelora" is suggesting your hope. It's typical to end a song/ poem with a sense of hopefulness. What you wish at the end. You want to be granted with iman 'all the time' or what we termed as istiqamah. Indeed istiqamah is the key for everything. What captures my attention is the line 'moga lautan hilang gelora' is like the nafs within your soul that you keep battling day and night. You hope with imaan, you'd be able to control the wild nafs of yours. 

Well, that is all. I hope you enjoyed following my opinions. Feel free to share with me your thoughts too. With that, I end my entry here. Happy Ramadhan. May this Ramadhan be the most beneficial Ramadhan we have ever encountered, may Allah give us extra strength and will to 'repair' our relationship with him, and may all of us be met with Lalatul Qadar. Aaamin. 

Adios, 
Niena MS

Monday, May 14, 2018

Inspired

If you ask me, where will I be most inspired?

The answer is,
Not by the beach while watching sunset,
Not in the bathroom while taking shower,
Not at my window pane looking over the paddy field,
Not on the toilet seat while doing my 'business',
The answer is
While I'm alone in my car, driving.
That is when I am most inspired to write about so many things.
But once I reach home, everything's gone.
Not even to take out my laptop from my car.

Laziness level: 120%


Thursday, May 10, 2018

10th of May 2018 - 100518




Ever since last night, Malaysians have been on a roller coster ride waiting for the longest result in history for the announcement of THE new government. I think yesterday our nation witnessed what we call unity. There’s an indescribable feeling hit me as I was scrolling down my instagram and I’m sure you too feel the same
.
Despite all the twitter jokes about the awaited public holiday, trust me, that is not all that we want. What we want is a new hope
.
No government is perfect and we are perfectly aware of that. But being citizens who have been too long under the same ruling party, we all want to see changes, changes for the better, where working class like us (me) can feel a little bit acknowledged and important.
.
This is what we want Malaysians, I really hope we can all live harmoniously regardless our differences in political beliefs, diversity in culture and disagreement in religion advocates. With the new government finally formed, don’t forget to play our role, be a better citizen of Malaysia, our beloved country
.
Please stop slamming, reviling or mocking the losing side as it is not the akhlak of a Muslim and so far away from the 5th pillar of rukunegara that we’ve been pledged on again and again. We are not seeking revenge but to amend what we think needs to be fixed. We all have made it, don’t spoil what we’ve worked hard to create
.
DIRGAHAYU MALAYSIA TERCINTA

Copy paste from my instagram caption.


Today is a history in Malaysia. So many feelings mixed up. I'm glad. Malaysians are glad. So many things are ironic. Tun M was the fighter for BN for the longest time in his life. But Allah is Great, the table has now turned. Today, he is the strongest fighter to topple down the cronyism ruling of the party he once established with his own sweat and tears. And that happened when he joined forces with his once strongest opposition. 

This is my first time voting and I am so glad to be part of this history. I am glad to tell my children and grandchildren about today, 10th of May 2018. 

Politics is interesting. No mater how we choose to be ignorant about politics, today all Malaysians are wide awake. We realize how important it is for us to be involved in the domain called politics. In this GE14, the youngs are proud to go out and cast their votes, something that won't happen in the past. There used to be a stigma that politics is for the oldies. We, the youngs, shouldn't be involved cause it's not important, it will only lead us to division and fights. Yes that's no doubt true IF we are obsessed with certain politicians, individuals or parties. However, 2018 has witnessed that WE are educated, and can talk about politics wisely, maturely. Nothing that we want but a blessed country under the protection of the true Mulk (government). 

May Allah bless Malaysia and guide us to the right path

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Kehidupan

Just another life reflection today.
Same place won’t remain the same with different people. 
Sometimes it’s better
But we’re afraid that it gets otherwise.

A few days ago I posted about one bitter reality of life, 
About friends
People we need on a daily basis to keep our days going
They come and go
As life goes on
We grow up
We change places
We change faces

Keeping in touch is plausible
But it needs 2 to tango
If one tangoes
She will get tired to play both roles eventually

Losing friends is hard
Especially when it happens too naturally
That you don’t even realize the point of you losing
Sometimes, you’re losing your own self

Am I being selfish?
I had to settle the monster inside myself
Putting happiness ahead
And line other emotions behind
So they will all get equal chance, just not the first. 

I failed a lot. 
Too many times. 
But nobody knows. 
Because I played it cool, too cool.
No one knows that deep inside I am hell shy and awkward. 

I am a different daughter, different worker, different friend, different teacher, everything’s different. 
But we share the same physical, Niena. 
At times, they are conflicting. 
Especially when the heart governs them. 
I know I have to make my heart and brain work together.
Harmoniously. 


Thursday, March 29, 2018

Keep calm and rant on

Assalamualaikum

So today’s entry is not gonna be about any particular topic. It’s just gonna be me ranting on. 

So this week we had a training. Honestly I always loook forward for training though it means our 2 weeks of holiday will be cut to only 1 week but I mean, let’s not set my mind 2 weeks in the beginning. So no disappointment. That’s how I do. So I am a person who’s positive with the idea of training because sometimes I’m tired of teaching at the front, I still need that student side of mine. 

Ok so my point is, yesterday we had a talk on this topic ‘coaching’. Honestly throughout the talk, I felt so disturbed. There were a lot of things that I personally find going agaisnt the principle of teaching. But that doesn’t mean I reject everything the speaker was saying. There were some parts that I have no issue at all. 

Then we had this one activity that we have to stare into each other’s eyes. To make it worse, we were paired with a different gender on purpose. What the hell. Not funny mann. Honestly I was so rebellious inside. I mean, how could you ‘force’ us to do such task when looking into someone’s eyes without a single word spoken is so hell awkward and what more with the opposite gender. I know
he asked us to make dua for that person inside our heart by looking into their eyes but I mean cmonnn, I can make dua without doing that. Just because I could not do the task successfully (cause I was too shy to look into my colleague’s eyes and when I tried I giggled cause that’s my defence mechanism. Yes exactly!), doesn’t mean that I’m being playful about making dua. Donyou get what I mean? We don’t do that in real life pun. I really hate to be treated like kids, being forced to do something that is against my principle. To begin with, I’m not someone who can look someone into the eyes. I got very conscious myself when people look at me right in the eye. I mean natural gaze is different than that creepy so-called meaningful stare. Ughh. 

Surprisingly, there were a number colleagues of mine who ended up being so emotional about it. I was like what the heck? Am I that heartless. But luckily I’m not alone. There’s another person who was in the same boat with me. 

Thing is, I like listening to talk. But I really hate to be manipulated, to be asked to parrot whatever they said just because THEY think it’s pleasing to see us doing those things. I like something genuine. I am an adult so I want to be treated like one. 

Sincerely, 
Active participant

Sunday, March 25, 2018

(un)spoken words

I know writing this will make me vulnerable but I think I’ve gathered my guts and I’m spilling them out now. 

You know how life cycles. Born day to being a toddler to being a student to being an adult and then motherhood/fatherhood takes place and next would be your old day. 

So here’s my situation now. I’m 25 (turning 26 this year). I have 2 older sisters and they are 28 and 30 respectively. We are all single, unmarried. So these few years have passed by so quickly and happily Alhamdulillah, except for one thing. All of us can’t seem to have found our life partner yet. We are fine. Totally fine though deep inside, who doesn’t wanna get married but I mean we are leading a content life. 

However, once in a while, I feel so sad on behalf of my parents. I know how they want to see us happy. They keep mentioning about how sorry they are for us because everyone else has moved with a family life and we are still here, stuck, no idea where and when is our day gonna be. The thing is, we feel sorry for them cause we can’t still find a person to introduce to, what more to give them grandchildren. This moment of life can get me really emotional. My parents are getting old and so I understand they wanna have what friends at their age are having. 

Sometimes, because all of this pressure, we had a cold moment with our parents, especially my mum. A few times, she tried to matchmake us with some random guys. However, all didn’t work. Honestly, we are not being choosy, it’s just that they are not the ones. You know hearts and feelings, they are very complicated. Sometimes I question myself, am I really being picky? I believe I am not. Everyone wants to have a happy life. So do I. So do us. If people ask me, what do I look in a guy? Honestly, I don’t have an answer. For me, once I like him, I have all the reasons to like him. But liking someone is not as easy as it seems. Because Allah, Ya muqallibal qulub. 

I am really glad for everything that we have. Wallahi, what I have today is so much more than what I asked for. I believe, Allah tests us in this matter just to keep us reminded of her. 

I know I’m not the only one in this situation. I know there are still a lot of people out there, male or female, are in this situation, thinking about this everyday. We feel guilty making our parents have to answer all the questions from the curious society whom we cannot blame them for their genuine curiosity and concern. Sometimes, they just ask out of love I know.  

So, to all of you who have found your other half, I wish you a happy and blessed marriage. Please pray for us, for my parents especially. I wanna make them happy, just like you made your parents happy on your big day. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Failing

I failed
I failed a lot of times in life
More than I wish I would
Despite the failure
I see the silver lining
Sometimes more than just silver
I once saw gold.

Everything’s changed now
720 degrees
I thought I would struggle to adapt
But not a single bit
Alhamdulillah.

Just when I thought I have gone out of the maze
I realized
I still can’t seem to find the exit
I just wish I would never be in the maze in the first place.

Now I found another light.
Not sure whether it’ll lead me out of the tunnel.
Or just another firefly giving me a false hope.
This is not the first time the firefly deceives me.

All emojis.
I’m all of them now, at once.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

National vs. International school

So that would be my topic for today.

To be honest I did not wanna make the title as such actually. The use of the word 'vs.' there somehow implies that they are rivals. Well, of course if we're talking about marketing point of view, they are rivals. But my point of writing here is not to say one is better than the other. I'm just gonna reveal, from my experience and observation, the difference between these two institutions. 

Another reason why I'm writing this is also to enlighten people about these two educational institutions since maybe there are a lot of people out there are curious but just don't bother to do research. I mean, I'd be one of you guys too if my profession has nothing to do with education hehe. 

So let's get into it. 

Curriculum/ Syllabus
Of course, this would be the major indicator that differentiates these two institutions. 
National school is using the national syllabus obviously. So, if we're talking about primary, they will be using the KSSR (Kurikulum Standard Sekolah Rendah). Basically, the kids will be sitting for UPSR (Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah) and secondary will be having the main exam - SPM (Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia). Meanwhile, in international school, the curriculum used is CIE (Cambridge International Curriculum. So the main exam for primary would be Primary Checkpoint whereas for secondary would be IGCSE (k malas nak tulis nama panjang dia. sila google haha). However, even among international schools, English subject can vary. Some schools take English as the first language and some take as the second language. 

Wait, before we move on, lemme just tell you that we DO have national schools in Malaysia (a few MRSMs to be specific) that adopt both curriculums and I was just like whaaaatttt? So basically they take all sorts of exams in secondary. Checkpoint in form 2, PT3 in form 3, IGCSE in form 4 and SPM in form 5. No kidding guys. I used to teach in one school with double curriculums like this. My conclusion is just, way too ambitious maan. But kudos to all my kids who made it. Teacher loves you!

Funding
Well, I guess this is quite obvious. National schools are MOSTLY funded by government whereas international schools are self-funded. The reason why I capitalized the word MOSTLY is because not all national schools are funded by government. Of course you heard a lot about private schools right. Yes. So there are a lot of national schools who are self-funded. On the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, all international schools in Malaysia are self-funded (private). But please correct me if I'm wrong if you happen to know any international school built by the government. So, in short, you gotta pay a fortune to send your child in an international or any private school, but public school's fees are a lot of mercy. 

Nationality
I guess this is what distinguishes international school from national schools. In international schools, the ethnic diversity is more varied as compared to national schools which are mostly attended by the locals. That's the reason why they are called international school. Basically, students and teachers consist of people from all over the world. Plus point? Maybe? Depends on your preference. For me yes it's a plus point. 

Auxiliary Language (Lingua Franca)
In international school, obviously the auxiliary language is English because students and teachers are from different nationalities, so you gotta make everyone understand man! That includes all the official documentation of course. 

Behind the Scene
*Actually I can't quite find a suitable heading for this one*

From my experience, in international school, parents are the backbone of the school. That is because of course, parents are the clients of the company and at the same time, they are the source of ideas when it comes to the growth of the school. Parents' feedback is highly important in order to ensure that the needs of the children are catered. But then again, this can be debatable especially when we have thousands of parents with different types of kids, we can't expect each individual needs are catered but then again, the effort is always towards there. 

In contrast, for national schools, most of the time, we have to abide to the standard procedure of Malaysian curriculum. In short, parents (or even teachers) can still give feedback and criticize the system but they might just have to wait until rabbits rain from the sky for the change to happen. But then again, we are talking about thousands of schools and students to be catered by one ruling organisation, so fair enough if the waiting game is killing you. 

Learning/ Teaching Style
This might be another significant difference of both schools. National or public schools mostly focus on the exam or what we always heard an exam-oriented system. We all used to be there, done that. And I admit we have a loooot of papers and worksheet just to prepare us for the exam and getting As is all that we value. However, I can see that this trend is slowly changing. Nowadays, public schools have been focusing a lot on soft skills too (but that doesn't make them any less exam-oriented though.)

In international school, assessment is not 100% on paper. Classroom participation, group work, presentation, homework submission, project and whatnot are part of the aspects being assessed. 

Facilities
Since international schools are self-funded, so this point is in favour of international school. 

Added Programs
Both national and international schools have these actually. For example, Islamic program (if it's an Islamic school), financial program, robotic program and stuff like that. Heard of Sekolah Integrasi? It is a national school but it has an added program too. Yes so that's what I'm talking about, some added programs that make the school unique. Chances are, maybe programs added to international schools are more because they have more capital? Maybe?

School Holidays
Just like how government companies and private companies have different holidays, the same goes to national and international school. Most international schools will follow the UK system. So they have those summer break, winter break bla3. 

Ok I think that is all from me. So national schools and international schools are equally great. It's just, if we have more money, of course we can opt for international school but if we don't have, national school is never a bad choice. We all came from national schools and hey! look at us. Aren't we cool? *shades on*

So bye for now.

Adios, 
Niena MS